Dodgeball is a hard movie to hate. It's got Vince Vaughan being likeable and Ben Stiller overacting ridiculously a la Zoolander. It's got the obligatory-but-still-funny stream of C-grade celebrity cameos that seem to pop up in every "zany" comedy. But I'm sort of mad at it because it takes an unfuckupable concept (dodgeball!) and then fucks it up with lots of really unfunny toilet humor and ugly-people jokes. I guess these jokes make bank, but I am just so not about them. It seems like virtually every big-studio non-romantic comedy from Old School to Shrek has to have at least fifteen fart jokes, and why? Farts are funny and all, but they aren't exactly something upon which to stake the future of American cinematic comedy. I mean, they aren't that funny, and the whole loose confederation of fucking brilliant American movie comedians (Stiller-Vaughan-Wilson-Wilson-Ferrell-[I'm forgetting someone]) usually don't have to rely on that stuff. Starsky & Hutch was a much, much better movie.

But can you imagine how great a straight sports movie about dodgeball would be? A couple of years ago, there was this big group of indie kids who would get together at this elementary school in Baltimore County and play team dodgeball on the tennis courts every Thursday night. Dodgeball is hardcore, dudes. The first time I played, I saw a kid get his arm dislocated. I got hit in the junk more than a few times. I never quite perfected the side-arm throw that did the most damage. I was a pretty second-rate player, but I had more fun playing that game than just about any sport in my life ever. So instead of going to see Dodgeball, dudes, go get some of your peoples together and play dodgeball. And then make a movie about it and please don't be an asshole. And break me off some money because I gave you the idea.