Does everyone else know about this? A black comedy where Jean Claude Van Damme plays himself as a washed-up straight-to-video action star? And then he gets taken hostage in a bank robbery? These are amazing times to be alive, and JCVD just catapulted right up next to Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler on my can't-wait list.

Best line on the new Heltah Skeltah album: "My gun game crazy, when the fifth spit I / Kill man, woman and child a la Chris Benoit."