Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I probably shouldn't mention the Choices II soundtrack without saying a few words about the Choices II movie, but I've only managed to make it about halfway through that particular masterpiece so far, and even then I had to get up to get a beer or microwave a burritto every couple of minutes while the movie kept playing. I don't think this hurt my understanding of the movie; the plot would be pretty much incomprehensible no matter what. It goes like this: DJ Paul and Juicy J get arrested at the beginning of the movie; I can't tell if it's because of stuff they did in the first movie (which I've never seen) or if it's really the end of this movie and the whole story is a flashback. A couple of DEA agents then spring them from jail and hire them to rob these two warring drug kingpins, who then go looking for Paul and Juicy. Also, Bishop Don Magic Juan and some other pimps who are probably famous show up for one scene where they talk a lot while women in bikinis walk around. And Lil Wyte plays a snitch. And Tiny Lister, the big scary bad guy from Friday, shows up as a big scary guy. He's only in one scene so far, and he makes his voice all death-metal scary and calls a prison guard a bitch. DJ Paul is a bad actor and a really ugly dude, but for some reason he gets all the good lines. Juicy J is pretty normal-looking and seems to be a pretty good actor, but he totally has side-banana status. The whole thing was shot on a camcorder with truly awful sound recording, and almost every scene has some distracting camera trick like sped-up film or some elaborate dissolve into the next scene (like morphing or the image getting all blurry and then solidifying into something completely different). It reminds me of that Simpsons where Homer is making a dating-service video for Ned Flanders and he keeps telling Lisa to put a star-wipe at the end of every scene. Rappers watch The Wire, right? You'd think that maybe they'd see this and realize that they can't keep making horrible low-budget movies that make no sense. It can't be that hard to hire decent writers or directors, can it? Couldn't they just grab a couple of kids fresh out of film school? If I ever finish watching this movie, a more complete report will follow, unless I don't feel like writing about it anymore.