So we're doing it. We're moving up to New York City. Set an extra seat at the table, music writer dudes, because homey over here wants to set it off. Also, if you feel like giving me a job, please give me a job. Or, failing that, rent me an extremely cheap one-bedroom apartment.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that like 90% of the people reading this have already seen Star Wars 3, but if you haven't, don't go see Star Wars 3. Or do, I don't care. But Star Wars 3 is straight garbage. My friend Nat and I spent the entire drive back from the movie theater yesterday wondering how they could've taken an idea so cool and made it so fucking weak. Hayden Christensen's performance has got to be the worst lead performance in a big-budget movie I have ever seen in my life, which is really saying something, and nobody else was much better. Everyone looked like weird plastic mannequins caked with makeup, and not a single one of the events had any gravity to it at all. It's probably hard to convey desperate conviction when you're standing in front of a blue screen, but I honestly can't imagine everyone in the movie sucking worse than they did. And what's wrong with puppets and big plastic models? People like puppets and big plastic models! The final space battle in the first Star Wars looked cooler than anything in the three new movies. Also, it drives me crazy when they'll throw R2D2 or Chewbacca in the new movies for no reason. It makes sense for Yoda to be in the new movies because we already know he's always been a figure of some importance. But Chewbacca? How did Chewbacca go from being Wookee war leader to some dude on a sketchy-ass spaceship in one movie? And wouldn't C3PO or R2D2 be like "wait a minute, we've been here before" when they show up on Tattooine in the first movie? Stuff like that makes no sense at all, but I guess it absolves the writers from having to come up with any new characters that are remotely likeable or compelling. Whatever. The light-saber fights were fun, and I wasn't bored, so I guess it was better than The Interpreter. But wow, they really fucked up on these movies.